A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Gabriel: "Why don't we have you do it, before they tell me to have you do it?" Phillip: "Why don't we have you do it until they tell you to have me do it?" (Bradley Adams)
2. Elizabeth: "We're in trouble." (Bradley Adams)
1. Norman: "Stuffing me in here, you have painted me in a corner that I cannot get out of. I have never been so disappointed with anyone" (Nirat Anop)
2. Norman: "I have reason to believe my mother might be insane and might be killing people." Dr. Edwards: "You know if you make that accusation, I have to report it to the authorities." Norman: "I do." (Nirat Anop)
3. Nurse: "There's a morning yoga class outside if you'd care to join. It'd be good for you. Very relaxing." Norman: "I'd rather stick hot pins in my eyes, but thank you." (Nirat Anop)
1. Howard: "See, he's not wearing a tie." Leonard: "Well he's a patent attorney. Maybe his tie's pending."
2. Claire: "I'm a girl. It's like page 1 out of the playbook." Raj: "Any chance you could send me a PDF of that playbook?"
3. Howard: "Here we go with the iron-clad logic again."
1. Alice: "I thought you no longer believed in the institution of marriage." Valerie: "I believe in the institution of a fine, well-tailored garment no matter what the occasion. Try it on."
2. Alice: "Christopher asked me to elope this morning." Valerie: "He what?" Sophie: "Oh my gosh, Alice." Alice: "Yeah, he wanted me to just get on a plane with him and go to the Alps." Valerie: "And you didn't go?" Alice: "I have a job." Valerie: "Oh, get out right now."
3. Reggie: "If Margot finds out - you know how she is Ben. She'll kill both of you." Ben: "No, she won't. She'll have you do it."
1. Mike: "I hate when you win arguments using your vagina."
2. Mike: "Why do you always want us to connect? Can't we just run out the clock until he dies."
3. Shea: "I can't believe they let us win." Stella: "I guess they wanted us to feel good about ourselves. I mean who do they think they are? Alcohol?"
1. Karen Page: "Look into your own eyes and tell me you are not heroic, that you have not endured, or suffered, or lost the things you care about most. And yet, here you are, a survivor of Hell’s Kitchen. The hottest place anyone’s ever known. A place where cowards don’t last long. So, you must be a hero. We all are. Some more than others, but none of us alone. Some bloody their fists trying to keep the Kitchen safe. Others bloody the streets in the hope they can stop the tide, the crime, the cruelty, the disregard for human life all around them. But this is Hell’s Kitchen. Angel or devil, rich or poor, young or old, you live here. You didn’t choose this town. It chose you. Because a hero isn’t someone who lives above us, keeping us safe. A hero is not a god or an idea. A hero lives here, on the street, among us, with us. Always here but rarely recognized. Look in the mirror and see yourself for what you truly are. You’re a New Yorker. You’re a hero. This is your Hell’s Kitchen. Welcome home." (Nirat Anop)
2. Frank Castle: "You know what I think of you, hero? I think you’re a half-measure. I think you’re a man who can’t finish the job. I think that you’re a coward. You know the one thing that you just can’t see? You know you’re one bad day away from being me." (Nirat Anop)
3. Frank Castle: "One batch, two batch. Penny and dime, you know. It was her favorite book. You know, you…you gotta cross the ocean…and go fight. You see…whole time you’re thinking you’re gonna be scared, right? But then, you’re not. See, that part of it was always easy for me. Killing. Even watching my buddies die, it just…it didn’t mean nothing. The first time I got scared was on a plane on the way home. I kept thinking God was gonna pull the rug out from under us, you know? Sh**, that’s his kind of funny, you know? But the plane landed safe and we were home. Driving through traffic. Yeah, you pass fast food and donut shops and all that…that greasy sh**. It’s the sh** you fought to protect and then the car stops. We were outside her school. I get to her classroom, right? She’s in there, but she’s got no idea. She’s got no idea that Daddy’s home. I walk in, these kids, they’re not even studying, they’re doing some kind of yoga. Yeah. You know? She’s there. She’s doing her poses, you know. She’s bending, and, you know, she’s moving. She looks like a flower. Yeah. And you know you can’t even understand it, you know, how does something like that have…How does something that beautiful…How does that…does that come from me, you know? And she looks up and she sees me. I see her. By God, that’s real. That’s real, Red. Boom. In an instant she’s across that classroom floor, she’s in my arms. She’s squeezing me so tight, I swear I was gonna bust a rib, you know? We just stayed there like that, we’re holding each other. Teacher, she’s filming the whole thing on her phone, you know, she’s gonna put it on YouTube or some shit. She can’t hold the thing steady because, you know, she’s…she’s bawling so hard, and the kids are all wailing, you know, they’re screaming. And me? Sh**, I’m the worst of all. I’m a…I’m a rubber-face clown, you know. I cried so hard. But not my baby. Not my girl. You know, she’s my girl. She’s…She’s not crying, she’s holding me up. My girl, she’s keeping me on my feet. She says, 'I knew it, Daddy. I knew it.' And then we go home. Wife, the boy. Place is the exact same. It’s like it’s just holding its breath waiting for me to get back, you know? Then it hit me. All of it, you know. The first time I felt how tired I was, you know, I was just…tired, you know? You…you ever been tired, Red? So you know. It’s just, I couldn’t do nothing, you know? All the things…I couldn’t take my wife to bed. Ball with the boy, Sh**…I was too tired. I couldn’t even drink a goddamn beer, you know. But not her. My girl was up. See, she wanted me to, uh…she wanted me to tuck her in. She…She outgrew it, she knew it but she didn’t care. She wanted it. She had that book. Her favorite book was out on her pillows. One Batch, Two Batch…Penny and Dime. Yeah. I read her that book every night before this sh**. I read it every single night, but, see, that was over now because Daddy’s home now. She looked at me and she begged me, Red. She begged. She begged. I said, 'No. Daddy’s too tired, see. But I’ll…I’ll read it to you tomorrow night. I’ll read to you tomorrow night, I promise.' Yeah. Never think that…for her there was not gonna be any tomorrow, see. The last time I’d see her, I’d be holding her lifeless body in my arms. Meat was spilling out of her, Red. The place where her face used to be. Yeah. I think I’m done…Red. I think I’m done." (Nirat Anop)
1. Standard Bearer: "How'd you do all that?" Sherlock: "I was bitten by a radioactive detective."
2. Joan: "You really think I don't the origin of the Midnight Ranger? My brother was a geek, remember? I know the origins of all of the superlative heroes." Sherlock: "Really?" Watson: "Really. Exposed to theta radiation by his scientist parents. Stung by a radioactive scorpion. Uh, nuclear power plant explosion." Sherlock: "In what universe are these people not all dead from cancer?"
3. Sherlock: "If you strip away the silly outfits, square jaws, and skull-sized breasts, there is a cardinal devotion to justice. The attention to continuity however is laughable."
1. Barry: "I'm sorry Miss Underage. None of us plan of getting murdered by your father tonight."
2. Cisco: "It didn't look this deep on the map." Barry: "That's because maps are flat."
3. Jesse: "How'd it go?" Wells: "Well he's not a red splat on the side of a mountain." Cisco: "That's our new definition of success?" Wells: "It's one of them."
1. Murray: "Look I know I said that they only thing I care about is college but what I really care about is whether or not you're happy." Barry: "It's going to be hard to be happy when I'm stuck in this town because I blew the test." Murray: "That's not true, Barry. If you ask me, the way your brain works - it's like no one else's."
2. Murray: "Trust me. I think you're going to surprise everybody and mostly yourself if you'll just try."
3. Mirsky: "Wow, good trick. You made the girl completely disappear."
1. Webber to Avery: "You found out late. I found out decades late." (Jimmy Ryan)
2. Meredith: “It hurts to tear that bandage off. We don’t want to see what’s underneath. But maybe it’s not the fear of the pain that holds us back. Maybe we’re really afraid to see if the wound underneath is still open or if it might actually be healing.” (Nirat Anop)
3. Amelia: "What are you gonna wear?" Meredith: "Uh, sports bra and granny panties apparently, or whatever is in my locker from yesterday. Why am I even doing this?" (Nirat Anop)
1. Pantierre: "If you go to the Land of Normal, no one will be there."
2. Callahan: "It's a rash. I think I got it in South America when I was volunteering for Doctors without Borders." Ji-Sung: "Sounds more like doctors without condoms."
3. Pantierre: "You know their names?" Harrison: "You know they have ones?"
1. Blaine: "Well hopefully it works because it would be a real shame if your local brain supplier died and you ended up with a horde of zombies running around Seattle just as the Mariners were set to contend."
2. Ravi: "Rationalization isn't just a river in Egypt. No. No wait, that's denial."
3. Ravi: "What does it mean that I find your new look weird and creepy?" Liv: "It means that you spend too much time with the dead."
1. Boyle: "What's going on, Reb?" Rebecca: "What do you mean?" Boyle: "I mean something's off ever since Finch got back from Russia." Rebecca: "Well, I think he's just trying to get back to normal. You know, he's overwhelmed." Boyle: "I don't mean with him. I mean you. I see the way you're watching him all the time. Secret meetings with Ike and Mike. Those are about Brian. You think something's going on with him. [...] Okay, okay. You know, you never used to keep things from me. Not things like this. And I never used to lie to you, either."
Rebecca: "Lie to me? Where did you get that?" Boyle: "I found it. After Casey died. I don't know why I didn't turn it in. You know how I feel about the stuff. But I got tempted. I guess. I thought about giving it to my mother. Give her one last great day. But it's just been burning a hole in my pocket. 'Cause it's the first time I've ever done anything like this. Gone against the CJC. And it's the only secret I've ever kept from you. And I don't like it. I don't like keeping secrets. Do whatever you need to do." Rebecca: "It's not that I don't trust you, Boyle. It's just that I-I had to figure out what I was dealing with, so I could know what to do with it. I-I didn't want to put you in the middle of it." Boyle: "Just tell me what's going on. [...] Okay, okay." Rebecca: "You're right. Wait, you're right. There is something going on with Brian." Boyle: "You haven't gone to Naz with any of this?" Rebecca: "Well, what if I'm wrong?" Boyle: "You're not often wrong, Rebecca. So stop waiting around for some smoking gun. Because at that point, it might be too late, and this could come crashing down on all of us." (Laura Markus)
2. Brian: "Thus, welcome to the first official convening of the Bruntouchables. Way to represent, James; since the whole Top Ten affair. Which, by the by, we totally would have finished if we weren't cut off prematurely. Okay. Guys, we have a murder. And none of our suspects are the type to kill someone on their own. So, the way I see it, we have a very particular Venn diagram. Circle number one: people who kill for money. Circle two: people with the expertise to remove a kidney without doing undue damage to the organ. We'll call that "skillz" with a Z. Now, I'm guessing that there's not enough of that particular kind of murder-for-hire work to pay the bills. So, they probably get most of their money doing medical work. Off the books, of course." Rebecca: "So, someone gets shot doing something that they shouldn't, they can't go to a hospital, so they get someone to patch it up quietly."
Brian: "Exactly. That's exactly right. So, to find that person we need a wound." Boyle: "I'm sorry. What kind of wound are we talking about?" Brian: "Well, I mean, in order to lure our underground-doctor-cum-hitman out of hiding, we need to offer him... Or her! Sorry." Rebecca: "Oh, my God." Brian: "The possibility of some medical work. I was just thinking (imitates gunshot) straight through-and-through. Back of the thigh, mostly damage to the fatty tissue, you'll be back playing tennis in no time." James: "Why are you looking at me?" Brian: "Uh, because, James, you're the only one that works sitting down. We have to investigate, Stavros has to mop." Rebecca: "Uh, uh, Brian. There's no way I can allow you to discharge a firearm for the purpose of hurting a Bureau employee." James: "Thank you." Brian: "How about a bladed weapon?" James: "Oh, forget it. I hate knives." Mike: "I run triathlons." Ike: "I dance." Stavros: "I'll do it." Boyle: "Stavros!" Stavros: "I have no feeling in my left leg anyway. From Macedonia." Brian: "And I look forward to hearing all about that. Mike, Ike, you guys take care of the "hole" of it all. James, do me a favour. Put the word out on the, you know, seedy underworld. And we should have a line out to our guy in no time." Mike: "And what if we don't?" Rebecca: "Brian? Even if he is volunteering, there's no way I can allow anyone to be injured." Brian: "You're right. As an agent of the FBI, you need to voice your objection. That's very responsible." Stavros: [stabs his right leg] "Aah!" (everyone is screaming) (Laura Markus)
3. Rebecca: "I've watched the video from this elevator so many times it's pretty much burned into my vision, and I still can't figure out what they're saying. And their body language, the way they're so not looking at each other. Something's not right." Ike: "You've had us tailing him since he got back, and so far we haven't seen any evidence of him communicating with anyone suspicious." Mike: "And with the new babysitters Naz has on him, I-I don't see how he can." Rebecca: "Well, it doesn't mean he hasn't already. All that time he spent out of pocket, literally anything could have happened while he was in Russia." Mike: "You think Finch was selling FBI secrets? To Morra or to the Russians?" Rebecca: "I don't know what I think. But I know if it involves Jarrod Sands, it almost definitely involves Senator Morra. You guys, if he is selling confidential information, to senators or anyone else, we owe it to ourselves to get in front of it. And if he isn't, then we owe it to Brian." (Laura Markus)
1. Milah: "So you have been with my former lover and my son. " Emma: "Ugh!" Rumple: " I am sure we will all laugh ourselves sick about this one day. " ~Rumple introduces Milah to Emma Swan and being Rumple he leaves out no details. (Donna Chidley)
1. Heywood Morris: "Well, it's been a while since I looked at some of my old law books. They are full of information." (Prpleight)
2. Toby: "Cabe dared me, on the plane, that I couldn't eat 8 boxes of saltines before midnight. I'm already 2 boxes in." Cabe: "Long flight. I needed something to shut him up." (Prpleight)
3. Cabe: "Thank goodness, the cavalry's here." ~I adore how drily Cabe said this line and the look that accompanied it. (Dahne)
4. Ralph: "Just dance monkey." Happy: "Oh a 10 year-old just called you a monkey. Life working out how you planned."
5. Heywood: "Um, who here has the law degree?" Toby: "I hope that was rhetorical."
1. Otto: "I don't hate her. I should have let her die so that she would have never hated me. Now she does because we're not gods. We're monsters.
2. Jimmy: "Hey kiddo. We kicked some a**, didn't we?" Duval: "Yeah, I love you too."
Jimmy: "How'd you die?" Alexa: "Slipped coming out of the shower. George always wanted me to get one of those suction grab bars, but they were so ugly." Jimmy: "Not as ugly as a cracked skull. I bought two of those things right off the TV."
3. Employee: "The tank, what does it do?" Mary: "It interfaces with the user's genetic structure." Employee: "Yeah but what does it do?" Mary: "It gives $1 million cash to the first person who opens the code."
1. New Guy: "Did she have to eat his brain?" Maggie: What? No! She's not a zombie. This is science."
2. Kirsten: "This whole emotions thing, how do you deal with it?" Camille: "Usually poorly."
3. Linus: "How's he doing?" Kirsten: "He's fine." Linus: "Good because as soon as he wakes up I'm gonna kill him." Camille: "The real question is how are you doing?" Kirsten: "You know me." Camille: "I thought I did. That's why I'm asking."
1. Cat: "I suppose if Mel Gibson can present at the Golden Globes then Supergirl can win the city back. This too shall pass." ~Cat Grant in response to if Supergirl can get back the public's trust. (Donna Chidley)
1. Rufus: "You saw something in the nest, didn't you? What'd you see, Bobby?" Bobby: "My boys, both of 'em. Both of them dead. And I saw…well I don't know what the hell I saw." Rufus: "Yeah well, forget the oldest rule, Bobby." Bobby: "Are you getting soft on me, Rufus?" Rufus: "Yeah, soft this." (Rufus hangs up.) Bobby: "Idjit."
2. Bobby: "Were you ever nice?" Rufus: "1985 - worst year of my life."
3. Soul Eater Bobby: "Shoot me, you kill your friend." Rufus: "Rock salt. Bobby can handle it." SEB: "Now, now. No need to hurt anyone. Just come along with me into the nest." Rufus: "Why? So you can show me a bunch of messed up stuff in there while my fabulous body rots out here? I don't think I want to take that ride."
1. Noah: "One of our own out there being sold off, you in here starching your shirts. Preening like a peacock." Cato: "I ain't care much for that girl anyway. She was lazy even before she kilt that baby." Noah: "You need to get Zeke out the box." Cato: "Why don't you do it yourself?" Noah: "Oh, I would if I could, but you the one got Bill's ear." Cato: "And that's because I don't go sticking my neck out for nobody." Noah: "You think I like coming down here asking you for anything? We need him. He part of the group." Cato: "From what I see your group ain't made of nothing but b**. And that's before you let women and little girls run with us. I guarantee each and every one of 'em gone fold under the slightest pressure." Noah: "Zeke nearly broke a wagon and Bill's nose for a wife he ain't even talking to. Didn't fold for nothin. That kind of strength. That kind of loyalty. We out there on the road facing God knows what you rather have Zeke by your side or what?" Cato: "You want him free? I think it's about time you teach me that song." (Prpleight)