Supernatural - 5.16 - Dark Side of the Moon - Quotes

This is one of my least favorite episodes. It is far too soul-crushingly depressing and may be the only time outside of season 4 and a small part of season 8 that I didn't like Sam. It's not even his fault this time and I still feel irritated at him through most of the episode. It's the big sister in me. This is also the turning point when I hated Zachariah with a burning passion more than I hated Ruby in seasons 3 and 4. No one should get to use a dead mother against you. Now that I think about it I didn't care for Joshua either. This episode is so far down the cave of despair that everyone annoys me and everything hurts. Good thing there is some snark and a few good quotes to get me through it.

Funny/Snarky quotes:

8. Dean: " …spending eternity trapped in your own little universe while the angels run the show. That…that's lonely. You know, that's…that's not nirvana. That's…the Matrix."
7. Dean: "Heaven? How did I get to heaven?"
6. Ash: "Uh gentlemen, I don't mean to be a downer or anything but uh…I'm sure I'll see you again soon." Dean: "Well keep a sixer on ice for us."
5. Sam: "What are you doing?" Dean: "What's it look like?" Sam: "Like you've lost your mind."
4. Dean: "I'm dead." Cas: "Condolences."
3. Zachariah: "Wow, running from angels…on foot…in heaven. With out of the box thinking like that I'm surprised you boys haven't stopped the Apocalypse already."
2. Cas: "Don't go into the light." Dean: "Okay thanks Carol Anne. What was it?"
1. Sam: "That…was the road?" Dean: "I guess. A bit trippy right?" Sam: "Yeah. More trippy - um, apparently you wuv hugs."

Story-moving quotes:

15. Zach: "Guys, what's the problem? I just want to send you back to earth. That's all. I mean that is after I tear you a cosmos of new ones. You're on my turf now boys. And by the time I'm through with you, you're going to be begging to say yes."
14. Sam: "Okay how are we in heaven?" Dean: "All that clean living I guess." Sam: "No, no. Um, okay. You I get sure, but me? Maybe you haven't noticed but um I've done a few things." Dean: "You thought you were doing the right thing." Sam: "Well last I checked it wasn't the road to heaven that was paved with good intentions."
13. Dean: "My God the Roadhouse. It even smells the same." Ash: "Bud, blood, and beer nuts. It's the best smell in the world. How about a cold one? Up here, no hangover."
12. Pamela: "I know that Michael wants to take you out for a test drive." Dean: "Pamela…" Pamela: "Just saying, what happens if you play ball with him? Worse case?" Dean: "A lot of people die." Pamela: "And then they come here. That really so bad? Look, maybe you don't have to fight it so hard. That's all I'm trying to say."
11. Zach: "In heaven I have six wings and four faces, one of which is a lion. You see this because you're…limited."
10. Dean: "Yeah but you know this place feels real but it's Memorex. Real is down there." Pamela: "Yeah well, close enough. Look Dean I'm happy. I'm at peace."
9. Cas: "Maybe…maybe Joshua was lying." Sam: "I don't think he was Cas. I'm sorry." Cas: "You SoB. I believed in…" (Cas turns around.) Cas: "I don’t need this anymore." (He tosses the amulet to Dean.) Cas: "It's worthless."
8. Pamela: "So." (Pamela Gibbs-slaps Dean.) Pamela: "That's for getting me killed." Dean: "Yeah, well that's probably less than I deserve. If it makes you feel any better we got Ash killed too." Ash: "I'm cool with it." Dean: "He's cool with it."
7. Ash: "Mmmm hmm. Yeah see you guys - Winchesterland. Ashland. A whole mess of everybody else lands. Put them all together, heaven. Right? At the center of it all is the Magic Kingdom, the garden." Dean: "So everybody gets a little slice of paradise."
6. Cas: "Please, I just need you to follow the road." Sam: "What road?" Cas: "It's called the Axis Mundi. It’s a path that runs through heaven. Different people see it as different things. For you it's 2-lane asphalt. The road will lead you to the garden. You will find Joshua there and Joshua can take us to God. The garden. Please. Hurry."
5. Sam: "How do we know that you're telling the truth?" Joshua: "You think that I would lie?" Sam: "It's just you're not exactly the first angel we've met."
4. Sam: "You're…you think the road is in a closet?" Dean: "We're in heaven Sam. Okay our memories are coming true. Cas is on TV. Finding a road in a closet would be pretty much the most normal thing to happen to us today."
3. Ash: "This ain't the first time you've been here. I mean you boys die more than anyone I've ever met." Dean: "Really." Ash: "Uh yeah, you don't remember. God angels. Must have Windexed your brains."
2. Sam: "You know when you bite dust, they say your life flashes before your eyes." Dean: "Your point?" Sam: "This house, it's one of my memories." Dean: "When I woke up, I woke up in one of my memories. The 4th of July that we burned down that field." Sam: "Huh. Well maybe that's what heaven is, a…a place where you relive your greatest hits."
1. Cas: "You need to find an angel. His name is Joshua." Dean: "Hey man, no offense but we are kind of a** full of angels okay. You find him."

Emotional quotes:

12. Sam: "You alright?" Dean: "Define alright."
11. Mary: "The worst was the smell. The pain well…what can you say about your skin bubbling off? But the smell was so…you know for a second I thought I left a pot roast burning in the oven, but it was my meat. And then finally I was dead. The one silver lining is that at least I was away from you. Hhh. Everybody leaves you Dean. You noticed. Mommy, daddy, even Sam. Ever ask yourself why? Maybe it's not them. Maybe it's you."
10. Sam: "I just never realized how long you've been cleaning up dad's messes."
9. Dean: "Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This. This is the night you ditched us for Stanford isn't it? This is your idea of heaven? Wow. This is like one of the worst nights of my life." Sam: "I can't control this stuff." Dean: "Seriously. I mean this is a happy memory for you?" Sam: "I don't know. I mean…I…I was on my own. I finally got away from dad." Dean: "Yeah, he wasn't the only one you got away from."
8. Roy: "Killing Sam was right but Dean?" Walt: "He made us and we just snuffed his brother you idiot. You want to spend the rest of your life knowing Dean Winchester's on your a** because I don't. Shoot him." Dean: "Go ahead Roy, do it but I'm going to warn you. When I come back, I'm going to be p**."
7. Dean: "I remember this. It was 4th of July, 1996." WeeSam: "Dad would never let us do anything like this. Thanks Dean. This is great."
6. Sam: "No I uh…uh, just surprised you do. I mean last I checked you wanted to break God's nose. Now you think he can help?" Dean: "He's the only one who can. I mean come on Sam. We are royally boned so prayer? The last hope of a desperate man."
5. Zach: "I had respect…and then they assigned me you. Now look at me. I can't close the deal on a couple of pathetic flannel-wearing maggots? Everybody's laughing at me and they're right to do it. So, say yes. Don't say yes. I'm still going to take it out of your a**. It's personal now boys and the last person in the history of creation you want as your enemy is me and I'll tell you why. Lucifer may be strong but I'm petty."
4. Dean: "This is a good memory for you?" Sam: "Yeah I mean I was on my own for 2 weeks. I lived off of Funyons and Mr. Pibb." Dean: "Wow." Sam: "What?" Dean: "Well you don't remember do you? You ran away on my watch. I looked everywhere for you. I thought you were dead and when dad came home…" Sam: "Dean look I…I'm sorry. I…I never thought about it like that."
3. Dean: "I remember this. Mom and dad were fighting and then he moved out for a couple days." Sam: "Dad always said they had the perfect marriage." Dean: "It wasn't perfect until after she died."
2. Dean: "Well forget it. Just another deadbeat dad with a bunch of excuses right. Well I'm used to that. I'll muddle through." Joshua: "Accept you don't know if you can this time. You can't kill the devil and you're losing faith in yourself, in your brother, and now this. God was your last hope."
1. Dean: "Come on. Your heaven is somebody else's Thanksgiving. Okay, it's bailing on your family. I mean what do you want me to say?" Sam: "Look man, I never got the crusts cut off my PB & J. I…I…I just don't look at family the way you do." Dean: "Yeah but I'm your family." Sam: "I know…" Dean: "I mean we're supposed to be a team. It's supposed to be you and me against the world, right?" Sam: "Dean, it is." Dean: "Is it?"

Quote Awards

"Shut Up Sam" Award - Dean: "I guess this is not your memory Sam. Sorry." Sam: "Dean uh, we should go. Keep looking for the road." Dean: "I know. Just…just give me a minute okay." Sam: "Dean…" Dean: "Sam, please one minute."

"I Think I Just Threw Up" Award - Zach: "You know I could say the same thing about you Sam but I have actually grown quite fond of your mother or at least the blessed memory of her." (Zach kisses Mary's neck. Dean grimaces.) Zach: "I think we're going to be logging a lot of quality time together. I've discovered she's quite the MILF."

"So That Explains the Pie" Award - Dean: "It's okay mom. Dad still loves you. I love you too. I'll never leave you." Mary: "You are my little angel. How about some pie, okay?"

"Yeah It's Not a Quote but It Still Ripped My Heart Out" Award - Dean lifts his bag to go out. At the door, he drops the amulet in the trash can and walks out. Sam sighs heavily.

Screencaps by Dahne

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Posted on April 1, 2013 .